


Shag Carpet

by wireddd



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Child Abuse, Dissociative Identity Disorder, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Slurs
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-21
Updated: 2020-03-21
Packaged: 2021-02-28 17:20:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,417
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23240872
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wireddd/pseuds/wireddd
Summary: Arthur navigates through his first relationship while struggling to find out exactly what goes on in his head.
Relationships: America/England (Hetalia)
Kudos: 12





	Shag Carpet

‘Punch him.’

‘No, I can’t do that, I’m not strong enough.’

‘You’re a fucking idiot, aren’t you?’

Arthur was suddenly thrown from the situation; not in a literal sense, but in the way where he was pushed to the back of his own mind, forced to watch what would ensue rather than have any sort of control. The feeling of disconnectedness whenever things like this happened began to settle in, and Arthur’s mind froze, taken over by this other part of him who just wanted to punch Alistair. To punch him and tell him that he was a loser who drank cheap booze and would never go anywhere in life, to call him all the names in the book and keep him away, no matter what it took. 

The blank didn’t last forever, but it did last more than a couple of hours as it was dark outside of his bedroom window when he was pulled back. The last thing he remembered was being in the hallway with Alistair, who had caught him when he finished using the bathroom to teach him a lesson about skipping classes, another memory that was rather hazy. He learned a long time ago to not question it, people often talk about forgetting why they entered a room, or spacing out while they drove, was this any different? For now, Arthur felt normal, as normal as he could be. The voice in the back of his mind wasn’t speaking, and he could feel at ease, laying in bed with sore limbs and throbbing pain on his neck. Maybe that’s what happened, maybe he passed out when Alistair pounded him and Dylan or Seamus put him to bed. Speaking of Seamus.

“Arthur, you wanna share some chicken patties I found in the freezer?” Seamus asked, poking his head into Arthur's dark room. It was currently a mess, the pile of laundry that he had folded earlier had been toppled over and it now spilled onto the floor. 

“Wha-? Uh, yeah, whatever.” Arthur mumbled groggily, forcing himself to sit up and squint through the darkness to try and gain some semblance of what the hell was going on.

“You really wailed on Alistair, he’s pissed. Best not go around him for a while, yeah?” Seamus warned as he stepped back into the hall, leaving the door open so that warm light leaked into Arthur’s den. Arthur didn’t respond to that, he already knew that Alistair was pissed. He was always bent out of shape about something or another. 

‘And I’d do it again.’ That stupid voice said, blocking out his own thoughts.

‘No, you won’t.’ Arthur put an end to that and stumbled out of bed, the voice subdued for now. 

“Arthur, are you going to club today?” Asked the voice of Kiku. He could consider Kiku his best mate, he was the perfect mix of eccentricity and calmness that Arthur liked to spend his time around. Also, Kiku was the only other person that he was taller than, so he always liked getting the tall-person experience. He was short and skinny, and Japanese if Arthur remembered correctly. Sometimes he remembered things about people and sometimes he didn’t, it was always a surprise. 

The club Kiku referred to was their high school GSA, something that back-of-head-Arthur did not like at all. Not because their sexual identities differed, but because back-of-head-Arthur simply did not like that people there and didn’t think that Arthur’s preferences were any of their business. 

“Right, it’s Thursday ‘innit?” Arthur was walking briskly towards the baseball field, his lunchtime spot that afforded him some peace. Being in a lunchroom with that voice in his head was a fucking nightmare, the unwanted dialogue just kept going on and on while he would be trying to have a simple conversation. 

“Yes, it is.” Kiku confirmed with a nod. Arthur didn’t know exactly why Kiku was in GSA, but he wasn’t complaining, anyone could go. Maybe Kiku just liked being around other people he deemed as outcasts like himself, being the kid who couldn’t go an hour without playing games on his handheld console in the back of class. Somehow he always got perfect test scores, though. 

‘I don’t want to go to that shit, all they do is talk.’ Arthur pushed this thought away so he could focus again.

“I plan on going.” Arthur said as they settled in the batting cage to eat. Arthur wasn’t much of a foodie, he ate what he had to and nothing more, and today he had some leftover chicken patty and ketchup. 

“If I’m being honest, I don’t know what I would do without it.” Kiku admitted, popping the lid off of his own lunch container. “It’s nice to hear other people’s experiences and have stories to relate to. You learn things about yourself.”

Arthur nodded along and ate at a snail’s pace. It was definitely nice to go to club meetings and listen, but Arthur liked the most how he felt like he fit in perfectly. Yes, he heard voices in his head and had no idea why he still stayed alive, but he was also gay and there were plenty of hopeless gay people just like him in GSA. 

“Yeah, you learn.” Arthur stared straight ahead, and something shifted. “But ugh, I hate how everyone just fucking screws around when we’re trying to talk about something serious like a fundraiser. Remember the bath bombs? I remember the bath bombs.”

Kiku chuckled at that, he was open to listening to Arthur’s frustrations. Well, more like back-of-head-Arthur’s frustrations. He would never say it, but Kiku liked listening to gossip like he liked listening to normal narratives. Secrets were safe with Kiku, he didn’t feed the fire by circulating information, he merely used it to entertain himself and keep tabs on everyone.

‘Let’s smoke before the queer party, I’m getting antsy.’ The complaint rang through his mind. ‘And let me talk this time? I hate the weekly queer party but Christ at least let me get a few words out!’  
‘No way in hell, you’d ruin everything.’

‘Maybe that’s the point, shit for brains.’

Arthur gave in and had the smoke after his last class ended, but he headed to the club room right after. Fuck, he hated when he acted on those stupid impulses, Arthur didn’t smoke unless he really needed to.  
He peered through the small window on the door that led to the clubroom, most of the members were already gathered in their circle and in the middle of a lively conversation. There were about fifteen people in total, everyone unique and wildly different from the normal student population. Not all were gay, but most had some identity or another that fit under the LGBT umbrella. 

“Arthur!” A familiar voice called from the center of the room. The cheerful voice that made him blush and his mind clear in a good way. He stuck out in Arthurs eyes like a white rose among a field of red, his energy radiated throughout the room and penetrated the minds of all. His hair was a healthy golden blond that stayed in a perfect handsome style all day, unlike Arthurs which was more of a muted straw that always stuck up as if he had just gotten out of bed. It was Alfred, and he was staring straight at him like he had just made the meeting ten times better. But he gave that look to all of his friends, so Arthur didn’t consider it special or anything.  
“Hello Al, I hope you’ve taken attendance.” Arthur said to tease, a brow raised. Alfred stopped mid-sentence and scrambled to get a clipboard from a cabinet nearby that served as their supply closet.  
“Yes sir Mr. President sir.” Alfred stood at attention and cleared his throat comically before beginning to call out names. Everyone was accounted for, and then the formalities were scrapped. Arthur was the club president on paper, Alfred being the Vice President, but Alfred was the one who really ran club activities. Arthur wasn’t a socialite like Alfred was, he was just good at bureaucratic nonsense.  
‘Why do you like him? He’s a prick who talks too much. I don’t like him.’ 

‘He’s stupid, but can you imagine the sex?’ Arthur silently replied to his inner voice. Alfred’s jaw was perfectly cut, his arms were strong, and oh God his hands were large and looked like they could hold him just right. 

‘You have a point.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Arthur has a condition called DID (Dissociative Identity Disorder) which occurs when a person experiences recurrent trauma at a young age. He is co-conscious with his alter (currently unnamed) unless they choose to put him into an amnesic state. Arthur currently doesn't know that he has DID, and I don't plan on Arthur having more than one alter.


End file.
